One is not better than the other though and each have their role in our lives.  Life feels so good in the flow and inevitably something happens that we didn’t want to happen or did not expect and we are out of flow and in fragmentation.  That part of us that gets activated has some gift, some truth, some awareness to share with us.  It may come in the form of anxiety, sadness, pain, fear and often we can first want to resist it or pretend it isn’t happening but of course this only makes the part more desperate for our attention and hence it gets louder and stronger.  So the old ignoring and just focusing on what we do want to have happen doesn’t work a lot of the time.  We actually need to be in relationship to this part of us, give it attention and love and allow it to be seen and heard.  Through this dialogue we get to understand the needs of a part of ourselves and we get to take care of that part and love it.  The part often teaches us something about ourselves and we get to take that gift back into our experience of wholeness but this time at a more expanded level of wholeness.  We have brought more of ourselves from the unconscious into conscious and are therefore more aware of who we are.

Some call the wholeness experience your true self and the fragmented experience ego.  Some say you need to be your true self and not be in ego or transcend the ego.  I feel we need both and both have been given to us for a reason.  The shift I empower my clients to facilitate inside their psyche is to transform the roles of the ego parts.  Instead of their parts being all about survival and protecting other fragile wounded parts of them from getting hurt, they are all freed to take on their desired roles (once they trust that the compassionate, loving, confident Self is present to take care of the vulnerable parts and once those parts begin to be unburdened from their wounds).  The new roles are ones that support the whole system in giving its gifts and living its purpose deeply into the world.

For example the Internal Critic may transform into the Internal Coach.  The Skeptic may transform into the Guardian of Truth and now helps you find what you believe in most.  The Protector may become the Success Strategist and help you to plan how to live your purpose into the world.

I have found great calmness in the perspective that all the parts of me have a positive intention, even if it doesn’t seem that way.  They are all trying to protect me from feeling deep pain.  Their strategy may be extreme and not working the way I want in adulthood but when I was young it served me greatly.  So now the parts need to be updated that I am an adult and I have inner resources that I didn’t have when I was young.  I can love myself, and take care of myself.  Like the tides of the ocean and our own breathing, I wish you all a beautiful flow between constrictive fragmentation and expansive wholeness.

It takes tremendous courage and resilience to honor this calling that bursts forth from the depths of your being.  You have to be willing to not be understood by your family, friends, and colleagues.  You have to be willing to not follow the rules and voices of society, the media, and your Inner Critic.  But instead to follow that soft, inner voice inside of you that beckons you to express your greatness.  For once you know what you are here to do on this Earth, you ignite a fire in yourself that can never go out.  It’s like in “The Matrix” when you take the red pill and see the world the way it truly is, you can never pretend to be ignorant again.

You are going to be pulled to face your fears, to challenge your assumptions and beliefs, to overcome obstacles.  It is not a comfortable little ride but a tremendous journey of truth, courage, vision, and freedom.  Step up for yourself, for the world, for Life itself and say yes to your deepest purpose.  Embark on your own personal journey to your highest self and enjoy the single greatest ride in existence.

Life itself is constantly teaching us, guiding us, being us, breathing us, sensing us.  It serves us to be in open, wondrous, curious, heart listening, honoring, celebrative relationship to Life including Nature and Other beings (our external environment) and our internal landscape (all aspects of Self).  How we relate to Life determines our quality of life every moment.

If we feel a victim to circumstances of Life, we are saying that something outside of us has total power over us and we are not an active participant in co-creating Life.  We are therefore not in right relationship to Self…we are saying that we are not one with the Universe and we are not a divine being made of stardust…we are separating our Self from Source with our thoughts.  We are also not honoring Life itself as the great teacher, we are not trusting that the Universe is giving us an opportunity to grow as a human being…we are in effect saying,  “No this is not what’s supposed to be happening Life.  I know what is supposed to happen here.”  We are saying that we know more about the way our Life should be then Life itself.  That is an example of an old childhood survival strategy that is clearly not serving us any longer.  As a child that maybe got us the attention of our Mommy that we wanted but now it is leaving us empty, disconnected, and powerless.

Another way of being is to be in relationship to the part of our Self (possibly called the Wounded Child) who feels like a victim and allow him/her to fully feel and express the emotion of sadness or despair or fear or whatever it is.  Then ask that part of self, “what do you need right now?  Tell me how you are feeling.”  Truly listen and acknowledge this part of self.  Tell him/her you love him/her very much and are always here to care of him/her.  Let him/her know that Life is presenting us with an opportunity to grow and evolve more fully into who we truly are.  Start to shift the way you are relating to this experience Life has presented to you.  The Universe is gifting you an experience so that you can develop on your path.  From this perspective what might the Universe be showing you about yourself?  What is the gift of this experience? What is possible from this place?

So we are not denying that there is pain or sadness due to an experience…conversely we are honoring our feelings fully and expressing them.  After fully being in our body emoting, honoring the part of our self that feels the emotion and letting that part know that we are here to care for him/her, we can then choose the perspective that empowers our whole Self, that honors the infinite divine being that we are and that Life is- we come into true relationship with inner and outer world.